Toy Soldiers and Dining Room Battles

Toy Soldiers and Dining Room Battles

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

IHMN: Teddy Roosevelt and the Wild, Wild, Wicked Witch of the West, Part 1


"Welcome to Dodge City Grandmaster." Sir Hugues de Payens, the secret Grandmaster of the Knights Templars looked at Sir John Singleton, Master of the Templar Knights in the United States.
"So it is true Sir John. The Americans are moving the Helmet and breastplate of Jason of the Argonauts?"
"Yes Sir Hugues. But there is a problem. We suspect The Witch is after the helmet and we in America have little experience with these beings from other worlds and mystical powers."
"You are fortunate.  There is an English "practicing" detective who deduced who I was and shared with me some interesting information."
"And . . . ," Sir John's voice trailed.
"There is an American adventurer who has faced the Witch King of Sokur and lived.  We must find this Theodore Roosevelt."
"And should we find him?"
"Then we will do what we do best.  Kill monsters."


The ambush site of the train carrying the helmet and breastplate of Jason of the Argonauts.  We had each side have different objectives; the Knights Templar with hired gunmen would be tasked with killing the Wicked Witch of the West (WWW).  The WWW company would need to recover the treasure of the  helmet and breastplate.  Both sides would have reinforcements that could arrive at any time. It was determined that the Templar reinforcements would be on the train and the WWW reinforcements could arrive from the North or East edge of the board.

The train carrying the treasure.  HO scale.

(L to R) Teddy Roosevelt, Sir Ralph, Sergeant Josiah, Grandmaster Sir Hugues de Payens and The Bounty Hunter.  Note the bucket of water in the background.  As they advance, Teddy states, "No man is worth his salt who is not ready at all times to risk his well-being, to risk his body, to risk his life, in a great cause."

The forces of the Wicked Witch of the West.

"Kill all on the train. I will deal with these supposed heroes."

The Gargoyle moves forward . . . 

 "Dang it.  I forgot the Gargoyle could fly," exclaims Special Agent Thomas Sawyer as he leaps from the caboose.

Time for the reinforcements of Wyatt Earp, Billy Bearclaw and the Hired Hand to appear as the monkeys fly toward the train.

This time the WWW remembers there is a -4 penalty against flying characters!  

 "Well lookie thar. Flying mechanical monkeys"

Sawyer and the Hired Hand fire furiously at the Gargoyle to no avail.

The WWW and her minions advance.

The Winkie Guard take up covered firing positions with their muzzle loaded muskets which can shoot every other turn.

"Surrender Dorothy!  What do you mean she's not here?  Okay, give me the helmet and breastplate instead."

Now that's a firing line as the Bounty Hunter starts to outflank the WWW.

 "Fast is fine, but accuracy is everything", advises Wyatt Earp.  Teddy replies, "No. I'm not a good shot but I shoot often." 

 "I am sensing something very wrong emanating toward us."

“The heart, Billy. Don’t forget the heart. Aim for the heart, or you’ll never stop me.” The Wicked Witch uses her Mesmerizing powers to force Billy to attack the Bounty Hunter but to no avail.

"Foul Beast!  Come and face your doom!"

"Dang. These here flying mechanical monkeys are hard to fight."

The Winkies advance against the train as Special Agent Thomas Sawyer defends.

Special Agent Thomas Sawyer takes up a good firing position.

The WWW suddenly flies away from the firing line to a more advantageous position while a flying monkey attacks the Bounty Hunter.  "Wait a minute", thinks WWW, "I've been clouding men's minds.  They can't shoot me unless in base to base contact!"

Buzzed by a flying monkey - steam claws versus good ole Army steel.

 "These darn flying menaces are everywhere!" shouts Special Agent Thomas Sawyer.  Round 2 for the Hired Hand.

 Meanwhile furious swordplay is exchanged between the Gargoyle and Sir Hugues. Sir Hugues realizes (belatedly) that he cannot defeat the Gargoyle alone due to its Numb talent and he can only make one hit during a turn since he has no shooting weapons.

 Winkie volley musketry takes out Sir Ralph (had to type that twice as it made me laugh).

 Hit by mass Winkie fire! (Okay, stop it!)

Special Agent Thomas Sawyer nails the flying monkey's steam dynamo causing it to wind down.

 "So you get a -4 Shooting modifier while in flight? My two Remington Model 1890 New Model Army pistols with .44-40 Winchester bullets says otherwise to knock you down.  How about I finish you off by separating your head from your body in the fighting phase with my saber?"  Scratch one monkey.

"ROOOOAAAARRRR!"  But the Templar Sergeant holds his ground as the Grandmaster moves over to heal Sir Ralph.

 . . . meanwhile they are still fighting. (Round 3)

"From now on I see a red on a turban, I kill the man wearing it. So run you cur. And tell the other curs the law is coming. You tell ’em I’m coming! And Hell’s coming with me you hear! Hell’s coming with me!"

 Wyatt Earp advances while Teddy provides long range fire support.  The WWW attacks the Bounty Hunter.

A Winkie still on the bridge!

 "There's a bounty on your pretty little head.  Plus my friend Captain J. Kirk likes green women."

The Gargoyle slays the Templar Sergeant and Hugues must decide which Templar to save. Note the bucket of water the Templar was carrying.

 "Pow! I wish Huck could've seen that shot."

 One less Winkie to worry about . . . and Round 4 for the Hired Hand and the flying monkey.

 Wolves!  Where did they come from?  Here comes the WWW's reinforcements from the north of the action.

 The Grandmaster successfully heals Sir Ralph.

 That's a big wolf attacking the Grandmaster.

Round 5 (sigh)

 "You gonna do something?  Or are you just going to stand there and bleed minerals?"

Now that's what I call a melee of action!


Special Agent Sawyer moves to a more advantageous position to engage the Winkies.

The Winkie and the Wolf.

 A blast of flame from her broom knocks down the Bounty Hunter and catches his trusty duster on fire.

  “When you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on.”

 "Hmmm," thought Roosevelt. "The Winkie or the wolf? Well, the only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything."

 Was there any doubt between a charging wolf and Teddy Roosevelt with a hunting rifle?

Meanwhile there is a lot of growling, shooting, hacking and gnashing of teeth over here.  The wolves were tougher than I thought.

"YOU DARE FACE ME MORTAL?"
"My name's Wyatt Earp... it all ends now!"

“Believe you can and you're halfway there.”
Theodore Roosevelt
 The game at the half-way point.

 Two broken monkeys, one Winkie that will never be liberated and one wolf rug.  Total points so far for the good guys: 8.

 One dead Templar Sergeant.  Total so far for the WWW: 2 points.


In the conclusion we learn:

1. The Winkies are definitely not the red shirts of the WWW's company.
2. Gargoyles are made of rocks.
3. The treasure is grabbed and there is nothing like a poisoned broom stick to mess things up.
4. "Hey, where did that water come from?  And me without my bathing suit."
5. That Google can give you a lot of Teddy Roosevelt and Wyatt Earp quotes.


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