Toy Soldiers and Dining Room Battles

Toy Soldiers and Dining Room Battles

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

The Young British Soldier

 When the 'arf-made recruity goes out to the East
'E acts like a babe an' 'e drinks like a beast,
An' 'e wonders because 'e is frequent deceased
Ere 'e's fit for to serve as a soldier.
Serve, serve, serve as a soldier,
Serve, serve, serve as a soldier,
Serve, serve, serve as a soldier,
So-oldier of the Queen!

Now all you recruities what's drafted to-day,
You shut up your rag-box an' 'ark to my lay,
An' I'll sing you a soldier as far as I may:
A soldier what's fit for a soldier.
Fit, fit, fit for a soldier . . .

First mind you steer clear o' the grog-sellers' huts,
For they sell you Fixed Bay'nets that rots out your guts --
Ay, drink that 'ud eat the live steel from your butts --
An' it's bad for the young British soldier.
Bad, bad, bad for the soldier . . .

When the cholera comes -- as it will past a doubt --
Keep out of the wet and don't go on the shout,
For the sickness gets in as the liquor dies out,
An' it crumples the young British soldier.
Crum-, crum-, crumples the soldier . . .

But the worst o' your foes is the sun over'ead:
You must wear your 'elmet for all that is said:
If 'e finds you uncovered 'e'll knock you down dead,
An' you'll die like a fool of a soldier.
Fool, fool, fool of a soldier . . .

If you're cast for fatigue by a sergeant unkind,
Don't grouse like a woman nor crack on nor blind;
Be handy and civil, and then you will find
That it's beer for the young British soldier.
Beer, beer, beer for the soldier . . .

Now, if you must marry, take care she is old --
A troop-sergeant's widow's the nicest I'm told,
For beauty won't help if your rations is cold,
Nor love ain't enough for a soldier.
'Nough, 'nough, 'nough for a soldier . . .

If the wife should go wrong with a comrade, be loath
To shoot when you catch 'em -- you'll swing, on my oath! --
Make 'im take 'er and keep 'er: that's Hell for them both,
An' you're shut o' the curse of a soldier.
Curse, curse, curse of a soldier . . .

When first under fire an' you're wishful to duck,
Don't look nor take 'eed at the man that is struck,
Be thankful you're livin', and trust to your luck
And march to your front like a soldier.
Front, front, front like a soldier . . .

When 'arf of your bullets fly wide in the ditch,
Don't call your Martini a cross-eyed old bitch;
She's human as you are -- you treat her as sich,
An' she'll fight for the young British soldier.
Fight, fight, fight for the soldier . . .

When shakin' their bustles like ladies so fine,
The guns o' the enemy wheel into line,
Shoot low at the limbers an' don't mind the shine,
For noise never startles the soldier.
Start-, start-, startles the soldier . . .

If your officer's dead and the sergeants look white,
Remember it's ruin to run from a fight:
So take open order, lie down, and sit tight,
And wait for supports like a soldier.
Wait, wait, wait like a soldier . . .

When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
An' go to your Gawd like a soldier.
Go, go, go like a soldier,
Go, go, go like a soldier,
Go, go, go like a soldier,
So-oldier of the Queen!

Sunday, September 16, 2018

IHMN: The Bounty Hunter

 (Before a gunfight, to an undertaker.) Get three coffins ready.

 (After the gunfight to the undertaker) "My mistake: four coffins."

No one knows his name (supposedly) and he is only known as the Bounty Hunter. Many suspect that he was an American soldier at one time as he carries 2 military revolvers and a standard issued US Cavalry saber.  He does not like evil and is an expert falconer.

Name: The Bounty Hunter
Pluck: 2+
Leadership: 0
Speed: 2
Fighting Value: +3
Shooting Value: +6
Talents: Gunslinger, Lightening draw (pistols), Marksman (pistol), Stealthy, Tough,  Erudite Wit
Basic Equipment: 2 pistols, Saber
Armor: 10
Cost: 64

Name: Falcon
Pluck: 6+
Leadership: 0
Speed: 1 (10 inches to move and +5 inches to run)
Fighting Value: +1
Shooting Value: N/A
Talents: Flying
Basic Equipment: Talons (Attack bonus +1, Pluck penalty -1)
Armor: 8
Cost: 11 points

The Bounty Hunter joins (for the bounties) the Knights Templar.

Friday, September 14, 2018

IHMN: There can only be One

"Majesty!" panted Lindani as he ran in to the palace. King Mehluli turned his gaze upon him and stated,"What is it Commander of the Royal Watch?"
"She comes. The one Tarzan warned us about. She wants to destroy your kingdom and enslave our people."
"So, this Wicked Witch of the West, a being not of this world, wants to challenge Natagala?" queried Ntando of the High Temple.
"That is so", replied Lindani.
"Evacuate the city, engage all defenses, and bring me The Royal Staff of Big Whopping," replied King Mehluli.

In 1890 the famous Professor George Nightengale accidentally discovered the Hidden Kingdom of Natagala.  Our hero journeyed up to the big curve in the Merowe river that flowed out of Batal Colony and then west into the Great Desert, where he eventually found a rich, primitive culture in a hidden valley on the other side of the Great Desert; the Kingdom of Natagala. Professor Nightengale theorizes that the Natagala are related ethnically to the Matabele and Zulus.

For this game we decided to use the scenario Marked for Death as The Wicked Witch of the West would not tolerate any rivals to her Mystical Powers.  The objective is to slay the The Wicked Witch of the West for the Natagalans and for The Witch, to kill Ntando of the High Temple.

Lindani leads the Married Warriors while Ntando encourages the Royal Regiment to advance.

King Mehluli leads the young warriors to better make use of his Leadership and Inspirational talents.

Since the Natagala were on home ground, it was decided to let them set up first.

The Winged Monkeys and the monstrous gargoyle advance.

The Winkie Guard and The Wicked Witch of the West move to the right of the Gargoyle.  The Winkie Guard would fire but Ntando's mystical talent of Water Bullets will make them ineffective.

Another view.

The Winged Monkeys advance in their mission to assasinate Ntando.

The Royal Regiment runs to engage the gargoyle.

The king uses the same tactic to run toward the Winkie Guard.  Natagala forever!

Meanwhile . . . Lindani moves the Married Warriors to a hidden position.

Lindani starts to sneak around the ancient temple.

The Winged Monkeys spot Ntando and fly to attack hoping to make the best use of their Steam claws against the relatively unarmored witch doctor.

Here come the Winkies! (snicker)

Can't you feel the tension as the bullets of the Winkies harmlessly pass through the young warriors.

The Royal Regiment engages the gargoyle while The Wicked Witch attempts to use mesmerism againsts Ntando.  Ntando replies with a "You shall not pass!" and uses his Meticulous planning skill to move The Wicked Witch out of the way.

Though the Gargoyle is terrifying, and the Wicked Witch of the West is Dreadful, the Royal Regiment passes their pluck rolls.

The Wicked Witch decides to send the Winged monkeys to assist the Winkie Guard against the King and his young warriors.

Two warriors fall to shots from the Winkies (there goes the water bullets!) while the king uses The Royal Staff of Big Whopping on one of the monkeys.

The other Winged Monkeys fly away seeking out Ntando.

The Wicked Witch gets pushed back again by Meticulous Planning while her powers seem not to work (nothing like rolling one's).

 Dang! That sword cut right through him!

Lindani leads the Married Warriors right past the engaged gargoyle to attack the Witch.

"You Monkeys do not frighten me! I wear monkey tails to cover my vital parts."

The Witch takes aim . . . and misses.

"Why am I by myself?"

More death and destruction.

The Royal Regiment knocks down the gargoyle . . . 

  . . . who jumps right back up in Berserk mode.


Meanwhile the young warriors are not doing so well against the Winkie Guard.

Okay . . . no more monkey business (yes a Dad joke)

One monkey is destroyed in an explosion of steam (Strengthen and Resonant Touch) but the other monkey gets the jump on Ntanda and knocks him down.

Another Royal Guardsman is down.

How 'bout that volley fire?

 The Wicked Witch puts a .45 caliber bullet right between Lindani's eyes.  Scratch one Commander of the Royal Watch.

 Flame attack from the broom!  Two are killed and one must put out the flames!  They don't call her Wicked for nothing.

 Cheap imported wind up monkey.


Natagala forever!

 The Winkie Guard advances to protect their sovereign as one sneaks up on King Mehluli.

Furious combat as Ntanda comes to their aid.

 A strong gust of wind (okay, it's the Meticulous Planning talent) pushes the gargoyle back.

 The King is down!

 During the Shooting phase Ntando summons his Strengthen power . . . 

 . . . and kills the raging monster with his Resonant Touch.

 For Natagala and the King!

 The Winkie Guards start to fall to the spears of the Royal Regiment.

 "Want some fire, Scarecrow, I mean . . . um . . . just die!"

 The Royal Staff of Big Whopping takes out a Winkie Guard.

 "Eat lead Ntando!" Not this time Witch as the The Royal Staff of Big Whopping approaches.

 The last Winkie bites the dust.

 The Witch is down . . . 

 Where did she go?

 "You have not seen the last of me my fine pretties!" (Good thing for a great pluck roll and the Flying Mystical power)

One of the best games we have ever played.  It was interesting putting a low tech company with mystical powers against a higher tech company with mystical powers.  Monsters, mayhem, nail biting die rolls . . . and some powerful characters on both sides.  The Winkies did better than expected and the gargoyle not so much. Once The Wicked Witch got her broom into the act flames starting flying every where.  Too bad there was not a bucket of water around . . .