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Monday, February 26, 2024

Flashback February: Photosynthesis or Why you should not play boardgames with Dad

It's Christmas time and also time to play annual games with my sons and family. This year I was introduced to Photosynthesis. The sun shines brightly on the canopy of the forest, and the trees use this wonderful energy to grow and develop their beautiful foliage. Sow your crops wisely and the shadows of your growing trees could slow your opponents down, but don't forget that the sunrevolves around the forest. 

Welcome to the world of Photosynthesis, the green strategy board game!  Green strategy board game? WHAT KIND OF COMMUNIST AL GORE PLOT IS THIS?

Now don't misunderstand me, but I liked Photosynthesis and it is a fun game. The whole idea is to grow the best forest and earn the most points doing so - but I decided it needed some new rules to make it more challenging and enjoyable.

To first grow a tree you must purchase a seed and then spend energy points to plant the seed. Honorable Son #3 plants a seed (CAN YOU FEEL THE TENSION?).

During my turn, I immediately planted a weed on Honorable Son #3's seed so it would not get any sunlight and grow.

After another turn and rotation of the Sun, I noticed Honorable Son #5's forest was growing too large for my taste so I launched some mechanical spiders to web them in a Mirkwood kind of fashion.

Ever quick to act, Honorable Son #5 deployed Frodo armed with Sting to slay the spiders.

He was countered by Honorable Son #2 by using the new "Elf" rule which captured the hobbit, but not before all of the spiders were destroyed.

Meanwhile Honorable Son #3 decided to clear cut his forest by using the ancient Egyptian god Sobek and earn some points.

Weary of  Sobek earning points, I decided to deploy Shere Khan and bite the ankles of the ancient god.

In a bold move, Honorable Son #2 deployed a troll to knock down some trees and almost crushed Shere Khan.

In response I deployed Sam Spade with lit cigarette to burn down my opponents tree. “My way of learning is to heave a wild and unpredictable monkey-wrench into the machinery.” (Mandatory Bogie quote when deploying Sam.)

My beautiful bride (The Minister of Finance and Chief of Staff) intervened at this time and told me to put the lighter away. (DAMES!!!)

Later in the move, to help protect Shere Khan (AN ENDANGERED SPECIES!) I deployed The Doctor and Companion. The Doctor declared that the blue trees (belonging to Honorable Son #3) were not native to Earth, were probably alien in origin, and could not possibly thrive using photosynthesis. This almost won me the game until Honorable Son #2 pointed out that The Doctor is now a woman and needs more companions to defeat enemies (RESULTING IN A SLAP FROM HIS BEAUTIFUL BRIDE). The Doctor was voted off the island.

Allan Quartermain then arrived and shot the endangered species, losing 20 points but laughing the whole time.

Sam and Allen decide to work together to beat the others. (“He looked rather pleasantly, like a blonde Satan.”)

Suddenly Honorable Son #5 placed a lost and ancient treasure on the board and Allen Quartermain immediately went on a quest leaving the board.

 "Listen tree, When you're slapped, you'll take it and like it.”

Sam almost won the game for me, but the boys were good at countering my antics and Honorable Son #5 ended up winning the game. A free wheeling, fun time was had by all! Next time I'll use Fu Manchu!

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